Superwoman

I'm feeling like I'm expected to be superwoman. I can't begin to tell you how busy my days (and nights) are. I tried to blog yesterday...and here I am over 24 hours later, and this is only because I FORCED myself to log on and do this before I went to bed. Mostly because I figured Julia would cry out the minute I crawled in bed so I thought I may as well get this done...and she must be out for the count as there's not a peep...which makes me think I should have gone to bed! ha

I wanted to write about some funny things, I know I don't get many photos on here, but truly this is really a place for me to document things, more like a diary. I do (or try) to scrapbook, facebook, and send txt photos...by the time I get on here, I have no more desire to upload anything else...so bear with me.

Back to the funnies: Sam only wears his underwear to bed, even in winter. One night he wanted to hold Julia, and I was showing him how he can hold her upright on his chest. She began to "peck" at his chest and soon we realized she was trying to find a place to nurse! He was laughing SOOOO hard. This had to have been her first week of life as I remember Sam ran in to tell Jason what happened...and he has been gone the last 2 weeks.

Then this week she had worn almost all the newborn outfits (I'm thinking after I wash them tomorrow that I need to pack the newborn ones away...she's getting too long!) so I grabbed one that was neutral, mint green and white stripes with a caterpillar on the front. I thought, "A little boyish, but I'll put your pink hat on to Girly it up." And that's what I did. Then I brought her out to the living room and laid her on her blankey and was talking to her. Adelyn came in and looked at her, then looked at me, and back to Julia...then said, "the baby a boy now?" I laughed and told her no, but I just put her in this outfit cuz I need to wash her girl stuff. Then Addy said, with confidence, "No, the baby a boy now!" It was quite humorous.

Another thing I have to watch around here is that Sam "listens" to things when you least expect it, so if I'm on the phone, I have to watch what I say, mostly cuz he will hear one thing, and then later another, then try to put those together and ends up asking me later about the two "mixed" things he heard and sometimes it needs some hefty explaining to straighten things out. So this morning he was eating oatmeal (he made himself) and I was nursing Julia. My IPod was playing as usual. After the song "Stay" by Sugarland came on, he says, "Mom, I know what that song is about." My thought, "Crap, I hope not!" but I say, "Oh, what is it about?" "Well, the man got remarried and she wants him to stay." Whew! Close...I told him that he was very close, but that it is about a man who likes two girls and she just wants him to choose which one he likes more. I wonder how much he was paying attention to. Then I thought about if anyone was in the room the other night I was giving Julia a bath and "Alice" came on...??? So far no Fbombs have been repeated! Ha!

Well, I am too tired to write anymore...later!

Bittersweet Feelings

I am SO blessed to have the family I have. The baby is such a good baby, I have her schedule pretty well figured out...she eats about every 3 hours, give or take, and sleeps about 2 hours at a time during the day, stays awake for about 1 to 1 1/2 hours between naps. During the night she wakes up to eat, and goes right back to sleep, so far she only "stayed up" one time since being born. She usually gives me one 4 hour break, and last night she ate at 10:00, then went to bed by 11:00...I expected her to wake up by 2 to eat...and believe me, I was ready! But she slept til 3:30! That would be nice if she did that every night...except then she woke up to eat at 6:30, which is only 10 minutes before I have to get the kids up for school...we managed, but it was a little rushed this morning! You'll have that!

Anyhow...the bittersweet part...I am really struggling with the fact that we are done having babies. I know we can't possibly have anymore for many reasons. 4 healthy children are more than I could have ever dreamed of, but to realize that I will never have that miracle of a baby growing inside of my body, no more feeling the movements, hiccups, and yes, even the whole birth experience. I love being pregnant, and I love giving birth...not the hard contractions maybe, but the whole thing is just the most wonderful experience.

This feeling is very strange for me since we were satisfied after the first 2, but not sure we were done. Then Adelyn came along and we were SO happy...I felt that she completed our family! Once she was 2 in March, I was 100% convinced we were done having children. We looked into options to make that decision permanent...and in May I found out I was pregnant, and I have to be honest, I was pretty upset. I felt like, "this can't be"...we were all set. And after a few weeks, I was excited, when we told the kids, they were ecstatic, so that made us even more excited about our new family member.

Now that Julia is here, I can't imagine not having her...it was in the making all along, in God's plan. And I am SO blessed and thankful for her. However, it makes me question us doing anything to interfear with God's future plans he may have for us. Here I was SO sure I was done, and I wasn't, and what if I did something and never had Julia????? What a sad, empty thought! But, we have to realize there is a limit for our children bearing. We want to be able to take the kids all around traveling, every time we have a baby, that plan gets pushed back a couple years, our vehicles are set for the size of family we have, we have a camper, boat, etc that we have to pull with the truck...it is set for a family of 6 tops...and financially, we aren't rich, we are going to have 4 braces, 4 weddings, cars, college, bills, etc...What is the right thing to do? What if the fair thing to do?

Maybe it is just the hormones and some post pardom (sp?) feelings I'm dealing with. But these are things I am thinking about. It is sad to me to know I won't ever have any more kids, but I think I need to realize that life is always changing, and dwelling on the "what ifs" or the things you may not have will not do any good, I have to embrace my wonderful family and enjoy what I DO HAVE, and all of it's changes and different stages. Kinda like looking back on your younger, carefree years, before the stress of life, the changes your body goes through, etc...you can't get those younger days back, but you can remember them fondly and be thankful for every wrinkle, each stretch mark, and look forward to what else life has in store for the future.

Wow, I feel better...sometimes writing it down answers my own questions. I have to go hug my kids now!

Julia's Story

I finally have found a few minutes to myself so I am taking advantage of that by posting the story of our newest daughter, Julia.

So my last post was from Thursday...Jason was on his way home from Kansas to be expected around 11 pm, my sister came to stay overnight (unannounced to me at the time), so the pressure is on to have this baby! ha ha ha However, Jason hit some bad weather and was going to be late. I was fine with that.

Amber and I decided we better hit the hay early for the anitcipation of a baby coming soon. I went to bed and the contractions began shortly after. I was contracting every 10 minutes, they weren't getting closer, but they were getting stronger, nothing I couldn't breathe through, but was concerned about when they got stronger yet if Jason would be home. By 2:00 AM, I was really feeling like I was going to be going in during the night. I called Jason, he was only 20 minutes away. I told him to have Jim, my stepdad who was with him to come stay over incase I went in so that he could get the kids off to school. He got home and we talked for a little bit, and my contractions stopped. We went to sleep, and they started again. This time a little harder, but still 10 minutes apart. I went to the living room and at 4:30 AM, I thought I should wake Jason and Amber up to go to the hospital. Once I laid on the couch, they stopped again. So, I was able to get a little bit of rest. I woke up before 6 with contractions again, and thought I would get the kids' bags, winter gear, etc. all ready set up for Jim. Then the contractions stopped again.

I got the kids up for school and had Amber take pictures of me with Sam and Becca and the "belly" as it may be the last time they got to see it! As we sat around, with hardly any contractions, I thought it would be the next day. However, when I got one, it was pretty intense. After a few of the intense ones, I agreed that we should go in and at least get checked out to see where I was at.

I had some pretty good contractions on the way there, while I enjoy the support of my sister and husband, they found it really funny to try to make me laugh while I was trying to breathe through a contraction...then they'd laugh more at me! Those brats! Ha Ha!

We got to the hopital around 10:30 AM, and put into a "transition" room...we weren't technically admitted yet. The nurse hooked me up to monitor the heartrate and contractions, of which were very few at this point. She checked me and I was between a 4 and 5, 75% effaced, and the baby was between a -1 and -2 gestation! Lots of progress from yesterday afternoon! There wasn't much more action happening so Jason slept while Amber and I walked the halls to try to trigger some more contractions, and it worked, I had to stop about 2 times each pass for her to rub my lower back and I breathed through them. I could tell that this baby would be facing the wrong way just like the others with the back labor I was experiencing.

I got checked again around 12:30 and not much changed, I was a full 5, that was the only difference. Wondering at this point if I should go home and just wait for things to pick up or what. The nurse suggested we wait 1 more hour and see what happens and make a decision from there. So, we walked some more. Finally I told Amber I had to go lay down from being up all night long, I was exhausted. I laid down and my mom came with lunch for Jason and Amber. When the two of them went to eat, my contractions picked up like crazy and were pretty intense. When they got back to the room, the nurse came in too and I told her that they were only a few minutes apart and hard ones...it was 1:30, she checked me again, I was a full 6 cm and the baby was closer to the -1 gestation. With that, and the patterned contractions, they finally admitted me.

I asked if I could have something for the pain, not an epidural yet, but something to take the edge off...so I went into the big hot tub...felt great! The contractions kept coming and the nurse put my IV in while I was in the tub to prepare for the epidural. When I got out of the tub, the contractions were getting unbearable. I told my mom to go make sure she ordered the epidural as I know it takes like an hour for the anesteciologist (sp?) to get there. Mom told me she'd have Amber do it. The nurse came in about 10 minutes later and I asked her about the epidural (I REALLY WANTED IT!) She told me she was going to order it now! WHAT? Come on people, it's been like 20 minutes since I first asked!!!!!! AHHHH!!! I remember laying in the bed and the contraction was coming on SOOOOOOOO strong, I rolled on my side, grabbed the arm guard and just grunted. The nurse looked at me kinda weird and the next thing I know, there are 3 nurses in the room setting everything up...she said, "we think you're ready now." She checked me and said, "your rimmed." I was like, "What does that mean?" knowing full well it meant I was a 10 and baby was down and ready to go...knowing full well THAT meant no epidural!!!! I freaked out and cried and cried saying I needed something, what can I have? Jason and my mom were hugging me, rubbing me, doing what they could to ease the pain I knew was coming! The nurse told me that I could get a spinal block, a one time shot that numbs like an epidural but only lasts 1 1/2 hours or so. I chose to get it, and I almost said, "no", it felt like the baby was so close to coming out, the pressure to push was astronomical, but I went ahead with it knowing in the past I pushed for 45-50 minutes.

And it was wonderful to have the pain subside...the contractions were quite further apart now, and they had to tell me when to push cuz I couldn't feel a thing. It was like we were just sitting around the table talking...with me in a vunerable position of course! ha ha

It was just after 3:00 when I began pushing, after awhile, the doctor said that the baby was turned sideways, and he needed to turn it to make the baby be able to come out easier, the next contraction and push, he began to turn the baby, and WHA-LA, everyone yelled, "Tammy, get ready to grab it!" (I like to pull the baby out and put it on my chest once the shoulders/arms are out)...I couldn't believe that it was time already...I grabbed the baby and as I pulled it up to my chest I heard Amber and Jason yell, "IT'S A GIRL!" I was like, "REALLY?" I thought there was a little boy in there! So there she was, a perfect little girl, crying like a champ! I said, "You tricked me Julia!, I thought you were a boy!"

I kept saying, "she's SO tiny" Of course I am used to holding Adelyn now who will be 3 in March, so I suppose even a "big" baby would look small to me! Jason asked what we were going to do for a middle name, I said I had thought of 2, either Marie, for my grandma, or Kay for Farrah. He right away said, "Kay" and then he cried, and so did I. Farrah was a friend of ours who died from Cancer in November, and she is a great person to have our daughter carry her middle name.

I called the kids and let them hear her cry, then told them it was a girl! They were all screaming and excited. Jason went to get the kids and when they arrived...it was like I saw three little hearts just melt into this baby's hands. They all love her so much already...it will be a great adventure to see them interact with her. Chaotic? Yes, but a good kind of Chaos!

She weighed in at 8#-4oz., is 21" long, and looks just like Sam when he was a baby, Adelyn too...I don't see too much of Becca yet, but she will change so much this next week, we'll see!

She took to nursing right away, most "natural" one yet! The kids got to help with her first bath and when they went to do some tests, I got to shower! The rest of the night was visitors and photos and smiles.

PS: I started this Blog around 1:30...my "few minutes to myself" ended up getting interrupted so many times, it is now 5:10...that's how it goes with 4 kids and a husband! ha! And I still have to upload photos!

It's the final countdown!

Last night was a no good, terrible, horrible very bad night...the kids were CRAZY naughty at dinner time. After I got them in bed and was able to lay down and take a breather, I realized just how tired I was. I had been getting contractions here and there, and they are getting pretty mildly strong...I use the word "mildly" because I know how bad they get! The innocence of being a first time mother in labor is long gone!
So anyways...I read for a little bit but decided to turn out the lights and get some rest! Good thing I did. First of all, just before bed, Adelyn caught her toe on the bedroom door causing her pinky toe to pull away from her foot...she cried and cried. She woke up once really crying around midnight, I had to do all my tricks to calm her down. Then she was up almost every hour with a cry out or whimper, not enough to wake up, but enough to wake me up. So...around 12:45 I woke up to something else, a pretty good contraction. Then again, then again. I was contracting (the real ones that go around to the back) every 20 minutes for about 1 1/2 hours total time. Then they stopped. I had a few more about 4:30ish and then they stopped.
Needless to say, I was TIRED this morning. I text'd Jason to let him know that he may want to pack up and head home. They are in Kansas, 13 hours away. I know I ususally have a group one day, a group the next day, and then the third day I have the real thing...however, this is my fourth pregnancy and they aren't all the same. I would feel so bad and alone if Jason were to miss it. He will be home around 11:00 pm tonight.
Well, I am getting ahead of myself, I had my appointment this afternoon and was thrilled to hear the progress. The baby is engaged at a -2 station, I am 50% effaced, and dialated to a 3!!!!! I was hoping for a 3, but expecting at least a 2....so I couldn't be happier with the way the contractions are doing their job! The baby's heartrate was mid 130's and my measurement was 38.5 cm...I have not gained anymore weight this week which is good because I am above my normal ending pregnancy weight already by 3 lbs!
I am truly thinking that we will have this baby by the end of the weekend...maybe even tomorrow! I am praying for a healthy baby and simple delivery. I can't wait to see if we have a little girl or a little boy, my brain has gone back and forth so many times! It has been a blessing not knowing, so funny how you can love this little human so much that you don't even know yet what sex it is...carrying a baby is something I LOVE and will be a little sad that these are the last few days I will feel this overwhelming joyous sensation inside of me. But just like life is ever changing, we embrace the stage we are at and remember what we have been through while looking forward to where we are going.
The kids are so unbelievably excited that they just about smile so big it goes beyond their faces! When the baby comes out, I want someone to go tell the kids what it is so they can announce it to whomever is waiting to meet the newest member of the Somerville family!

It's a Wonderful Life

You know how you have those days where one "bad" thing happens after another? Trying to get going and end up having to clean the red kool aid, or car doesn't start, then you forget an errand, etc. etc...well, I have had the complete opposite lately and quite frankly it's freaking me out a bit...like it's "going too well".

I finally feel READY to have this baby. Not only cuz I'm really done with being pregnant, but fully prepared in every aspect. I was getting worried if this wouldn't happen this time, but it did and now I'm just waiting.

I have gotten to spend more time with my mom and sister over the last month and it has been joyous and comforting.

Sam is eating MUCH better and I am handling the situation with him much better. I had to remember that I am the parent and he is the child and I MAKE THE RULES! I have set clear expectations, consequences, and have followed through, last night he ate his hot dog with no problems and even in an expected time line. This releives SOOOOOO much stress at dinner time!

The girls are doing EXCELLENT sharing a room, they all go to bed at the same time where before Adelyn would stay up longer...and they don't even try to talk or fool around, like it's just not even an option! I couldn't be more pleased!

Last night I was playing a game with Addy and Sam called me into the kitchen, he wanted to know how to tie the garbage bag so he could take the garbage out. (WHAT? Where'd that come from?) At first I thought he tossed the rest of his supper and was trying to hide the evidence, but he didn't, he just wanted to be helpful!

THEN, while finishing the game with Addy, we were going to play one with all 4 of us, and then get the laundry folded and put away (I ususally fold it and the kids put their own clothes away) but I looked over and Sam was already folding the towels! I said, "Sam, did you get in trouble in school today?" He looks surprised and says, "no" then I say, "What do you want?" He said, "nothing, I just want to be helpful" So I praised and did all the good attention he was deserving...it was SO nice to have someone help out around here without being asked or told!

Baby is still active, not as much as the other week, which is normal for the end here...I've had some contractions, but nothing to worry about. My appt is Thur, Jay comes home Saturday, and hopefully we will meet this little boy or girl inside of me by mid next week!

Well, Mom took Addy so I could get my work done uninterrupted so I better go finish it!

Bowl-A-Rama

Today my Mom, Amber, and all the kids went bowling. It was really fun, I had to go from the 11# ball to the 8-10# ball and could not do my normal "run" up to the alley as it really pulled on my belly...not in the mood to go into labor early when my husband is 13 hours away! The kids had a great time and Anthony (6 years) came in 2nd place of everyone!! Granted, he did have the bumper pads, but really did well anyhow.
Before the bowling, I took the kids to get groceries and the last few things I needed for Baby Surprise. We got a "going home outfit" for G and B, pink nuks, blue nuks, new blankie for either sex, then some necessary stuff for bathing, nursing, sleeping, etc.
We are getting really really excited to meet this active baby!

Then we came back to our house and the kids played while I cleaned and reorganized the basement slightly to accommodate the new Christmas Toys, Addy's toys from her room upstairs, etc.

I am having a scrap day tomorrow...I think it is down to 2 people coming! Oh well, it will still be fun and I will get lots done! My mom carried in tables for me.

My mom also deserves an award for this: Addy was RUNNING to the bathroom, and apparently to save time, she pulled her pants down, then she had diareha (sp?) on the way to the toilet! It was so gross, I tried 3 times to enter the room, but my stomach soon gave out and I ran to the kitchen gagging, then puked in the sink. My mom went in and cleaned it up then bleached the floor for me! She's the best! I have been giving the kids a lot more milk than we usually have and I think Addy had too much too soon, I need to "ease" her into it more!

Finally, it was supper time, Sam asked if he could make supper (PB&J's) and I told him he could, but ony for him and the girls, I didn't want one as I'm still full from lunch. He was in making them and Becca came upstairs laughing, saying, "Sam, come down and see where your sword is now!" Sam said, "Becca, I don't have time for silly games right now, I'm making supper!" It was SOOOO funny!

I'm looking forward to early bed tonight as I am up from 3-5ish or somewhere in that range...soon it will be every 2 hours, so I am trying to be thankful for the 4-5 hours I get before waking up!

I was going to post photos, but apparently my computer SD drive is shot and won't load my photos...it won't even recognize the card is in!!!!!!!!!!! Great, guess I'll be buying a new computer this week! AHHHH!